ArcaMax

When career becomes life and there are virtually no boundaries between them, work stops being the connection it can -- and should -- be. When does that happen? Well, for one thing, when there is nothing it can connect you to. Think about that, please. In the same way an alcoholic hides behind a bottle, you could be using your job to protect yourself from life beyond the office walls. And if that scenario sounds all too familiar, you might wake up at age 60 with nothing to show for your life but an overflowing outbox.

Working too hard for too long has a way of draining impetus to initiate in the rest of your life. Oddly, there are strong pulls toward this kind of excess. In your heart of hearts, the issue has probably already crossed your mind -- fleetingly -- but right now is the ideal time to stop your busyness and give this matter your full attention.

The dubious benefits of extended office hours:

--A reason you can give for why you're not married.

--An excuse to avoid emotional issues in all of your relationships with others.

--A setting where normal cravings for human affection and emotional fulfillment are inappropriate and thus have a reason to be kept under tight control.

--Enough pressure (in the form of ringing telephones and urgent matters) to keep your mind fully occupied and temporarily unaware of the voids in your life.

--An explanation for a pattern of short-lived romances.

--A place to go when the going gets tough in the outside world.

--A focus for your anxieties.

If you think this sounds a lot like you but still aren't 100 percent sure, look for proof positive in your calendar over the past six months. Do you find plenty of meetings and breakfasts with business associates -- but almost no social time with friends? Are there many cancellations of social events? Hmm. I won't say I told you so, friend. But I told you so.

Now, don't get me wrong. A gratifying career is one of the best allies possible in your quest for a full and balanced singleness. And it is true that we all have periods of heavy-duty busyness at work. This isn't a warning about that kind of busyness. Not at all. What's worrisome to me is longing for Sunday to end so that Monday morning can come and the weekend can be shoved aside for one more week. That, my friend, is the essence of workaholism. And I don't wish it to you.

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