ArcaMax

Dear Annie: Three years ago, my older brother received a $60,000 settlement, and I believe it changed his perspective on family and our relationship. One day, he offered to loan me $5,000 to either repair my car or put a deposit on a new one. He told me to wait two days, and then he would call me to meet him at the bank.

Up until that point, my brother had always been a man of his word with me. We had a close relationship, and I never had a reason to doubt him. However, at that time, he was going through personal struggles at home with his wife and was in therapy, so perhaps his mental state wasn't in sync.

When the day arrived for us to meet at the bank, he called and changed his mind, deciding not to follow through on his offer. I didn't ask why, but I thought it was strange. In the moment, I wasn't overly upset; I accepted his decision and moved on. What truly hurt me, though, was that after that day, he distanced himself from me for three months. He didn't check in, didn't ask how I was doing and never followed up on the situation.

At the time, I was in desperate need of a reliable vehicle, and he knew it. I had three small kids, and his help would have benefited not just me but also his niece and nephews. I can't help but wonder if he thought I wouldn't accept his offer since I've always been a pretty independent person.

I've since moved past the situation, but in the heat of the moment, I said and did some things that I can't bring myself to apologize for. Deep down, I still feel like I was the one who was let down and disappointed. However, I also know that a simple apology from me might help open the door to repairing our relationship.

More than anything, I want to understand why he backed out of his offer and, more importantly, why he chose to distance himself from me afterward. I want to be close to my brother again but don't know where to start. -- Where to Start

Dear Where to Start: The best way to begin is to simply take action. Have an honest and open conversation with your brother -- start by asking how he's doing. Too often, we get so caught up worrying about how things might go that we get stuck and never take the first step.

Think of it like a plane taking off -- it uses 80% of its fuel just to get off the ground but only 20% for the rest of the journey. That first step -- the honest conversation -- is the hardest part, but once you start, the rest will come more easily.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.