ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I'm reaching out with a heavy heart and a mind full of memories. My oldest son, who once called me frequently and with whom I shared countless stories over long phone calls, now seems a stranger. He's married, has two wonderful children and lives out of state. Recently, family drama -- something entirely unrelated to me -- has cast a long shadow over our relationship. He accused me of visiting his house and acting as if nothing was wrong, a claim that left me in tears because I have no recollection of any such act.

I cherish the memories of our warm conversations and the simple joys of staying connected, even from afar. I've tried to reach out -- leaving calls, sending texts and even mailing a card to my granddaughters -- in hopes of rekindling the closeness we once shared. But now, he's made it clear that he's determined to shield his wife and daughters, even going so far as changing their contact information, which makes me feel completely cut off.

I'm at a complete loss. The relationship we had is now shrouded in misunderstanding and silence, and it's hard not to feel that this rift might be irreparable. I'm torn between continuing to extend my hand in love and stepping back to protect my own heart from further pain.

What do you think I should do? Is there a way to bridge this distance again, or should I accept this painful separation? Your guidance in this tumultuous time would mean more to me than words can say. -- Hurting Mother and Grandmother

Dear Hurting: I'm truly sorry you're caught in such a painful situation with your son. It sounds as though your heart -- filled with love and care -- is being met with accusations and silence, and that's simply not right. Family matters are often messy, and while your intentions might be good, misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings.

Write him a letter calmly explaining how his words and actions have hurt you, and ask for clarity on what you did wrong because you want to work on it. Let him know that your love and concern have never wavered, and that you're confused by this sudden estrangement.

Family relationships can be delicate and complex, but healing is possible when both sides are willing to engage. Stay strong, and remember that you have always been, and will always be, a loving presence in his life -- even if he's not ready to see it now.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.