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Dear Annie: My sister and I were once inseparable. We talked every day, shared everything and leaned on each other through some of life's hardest moments -- including our parents' divorce and the loss of our mom five years ago. But over the last year, something has shifted, and I can't seem to figure out what went wrong.

She's become distant and dismissive, and our once easy conversations have turned tense. When I call, she rarely answers. When she does, she keeps the conversation short and finds ways to criticize -- my parenting, my house, even the way I spend my weekends. At family gatherings, she'll make little jabs in front of others that sting far more than she realizes. I've tried addressing it gently, telling her that I miss our closeness and asking if I did something to upset her, but she either denies there's a problem or says I'm "too sensitive."

It's heartbreaking, because I still love her deeply and wish we could go back to how things used to be. But I'm also tired of walking on eggshells and leaving every interaction feeling small and hurt. Our father tells me to "just let it go," but it doesn't feel that simple. Letting go of my sister feels like losing the last piece of family that truly knew me.

How do I handle a sibling relationship that seems to be falling apart? Do I keep reaching out, or protect my peace and accept that maybe we've grown in different directions? -- Hurt but Hopeful

Dear Hurt: Sisters can bring out the best and the worst in us. It sounds like you've done everything you can -- you've reached out, you've tried to talk, and you've shown kindness even when she hasn't. That says a lot about who you are. The truth is, the way people treat you usually says more about them than it does about you.

When someone is unhappy, overwhelmed or wrestling with their own insecurities, they often take it out on the people closest to them. It doesn't make it right, but knowing this may help you stop taking her behavior so personally. You can care about your sister and still decide not to be her punching bag.

As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." You don't have to slam the door shut, but it's OK to stop knocking on it for a while. Give her some space. Let her miss the warmth of what you used to share. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

Keep your focus on the people who bring out your calm instead of your guilt. You can love your sister, hope for better days and still protect your own peace. That's not selfish -- that's healthy.

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