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DEAR MISS MANNERS: A genteel, proper tea at a traditional hotel requires one to sit demurely at a table too diminutive for any other posture, while awaiting the arrival of the scones, cream and jam. These are followed by the finger sandwiches, then by miniature pastries, whilst sipping from cups of tea before, during and after each course. (Only the simper is missing, but one is generally too busy to bother.)

While sharing such an interlude with a couple of my female friends, we each broke our scones with our fingers. Then, holding a morsel of scone, we applied and spread gobs of cream and jam with spoons and knives, respectively, then lifted them to our lips and enjoyed. The finger sandwiches were also picked up, lifted to the lips and eaten.

Now the tricky part: the miniature pastries, each consumable in two dainty bites or three delicate nibbles. My friends made their choices, placed pastries on plates and proceeded to dissect cream-filled puff pastries with fork and knife, conveying the morsels to the lips with the fork.

Alone among the three of us, I lifted pastry to lips using my fingers and held each successively smaller remainder until all was consumed. (I promise you I did not lick my fingers clean when finished. Mostly.)

While this is not a major etiquette question, it's been eating at me for some time. Did I make a faux pas? Or was I correct?

GENTLE READER: Passably. The attempt at historical food porn, less so. But entertaining, nevertheless.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to ask someone alone with a laptop at a coffeeshop to share the table?

GENTLE READER: On the contrary: It seems like pretty good assurance that neither of you will have to make small talk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have embraced a hobby that is seeing a resurgence amongst young people: knitting. But I'm concerned it may be impolite to knit in the presence of others.

For instance, is knitting while riding on a train with a companion acceptable? How about while visiting intimates' homes, while they are engaged in their own activities -- such as cooking, but still chatting?

How about knitting in a public place, such as a coffeeshop? When an acquaintance approaches, may I resume knitting after a warm greeting?

Although knitting is a rather mindless activity, allowing talking but interrupting eye contact, I am concerned others may be jealous that I have a fun activity if they do not.

GENTLE READER: Is this not why knitting circles were invented?

Trains, coffeeshops and the homes of intimates who are similarly occupied seem to Miss Manners acceptable situations in which to break out the yarn. Not so much for formal settings like weddings, funerals or coronations.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN